It’s easy for me to see the value of my children’s lives. I see how much they are a blessing to me and everyone who knows them. I see how they brighten someone’s day. I think of how much they have taught me. I am a better person because of them. The world is a better place because of their short existence. I have no question about their worth and value.
They deserve to be loved and nurtured and listened to. They deserve to be loved unconditionally. They deserve to be treated with respect. They deserve to have some people in their lives who completely adore them and value them.
But I tend to forget that I matter too. I don’t always realize it when I brighten someone’s day. I don’t always see the value of the mundane housework and childcare tasks. I forget that every cry I respond to and every question I answer really matters. Being a mom matters. Just being me matters.
I deserve to be loved and nurtured and listened to. I deserve to be loved unconditionally. I deserve to be treated with respect. I deserve to have some people in my life who completely adore me and value me.
I matter too. And sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I feel like I’m replaceable and insignificant. Sometimes I feel like my value depends on how many people I reach or how much I accomplish in my life. The truth is…I have value apart from all that I do or don’t do. I add something to this world that no one else can offer.
I am important and valuable. I matter.
The “loving spanking” is an oxymoron. The idea that one can purposely cause someone else pain in a loving way just doesn’t make sense. When I see someone hit another person I know intrinsically that it is not a loving act and I cringe. When I see someone get hit I can relate to the physical and emotional pain that it causes.
What is the difference between an adult hitting another adult and an adult hitting a child? We are all humans. The age difference and size difference and vulnerability of a child doesn’t make the act any better. The spanking “method” doesn’t change a hit into an act of love. Even the best intentions of a parent don’t lessen the effects of a spanking on a child. It is confusing when the very person that a child runs to for safety from danger also becomes the source of pain.
It is deception that says if you love your child you will spank them. It is false doctrine that teaches parents that they should spank their children to teach them right from wrong. It is fear and stress and hurts that drive parents to continue the cycle of spanking.
A spanking is a hit. A hit is an act of violence. Violence leads to more violence. And the opposite of all these things is love.
It’s love that drives out the fear. Love brings honor and respect. Love is patient and kind and gentle. You can’t go wrong when you meet a child’s misbehavior with love. Not “tough love” or a “loving spanking”. But true, understanding, compassionate love. That kind of love will make this world a better place.
One night I was feeling overwhelmed and these words really spoke to me. Sometimes the best thing I can do is to stop thinking about how impossible my situation is and just do it.
“I have noticed today that when I walk downstairs, if I try to think too much about the actual mechanics of walking down stairs…the left and then the right…I start to feel a sensation like I could trip myself up and fall down the stairs. When I stop thinking about it and just do it, I don’t feel so confused or like I could fall.
Sometimes, we overwhelm ourselves even more by getting caught up in how impossible what we’re doing seems to be.
If we can stay focused on BEING and only NOW…we create just that much space for doing well in the here and now and even perhaps finding moments of joy.”